I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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