I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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