I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
