I just made out with a guy for $7.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
