his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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