can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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