Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
