You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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