Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
