i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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