were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
