Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
