# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
