oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
