He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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