Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
