Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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