piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
