I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
