i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
