We got so high we made milksteak
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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