sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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