I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
