I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
