so that wasnt chicken after all
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
