So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
