I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize