No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
