Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize