I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
