i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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