I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
