my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
