I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
