I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
