Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
