Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
