wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I deserve this hangover.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
