My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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