he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
