well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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