Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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