No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
