There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
