She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
