One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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