I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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