You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
