I love black thongs
Can i not drive my cunt home
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
