I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
