Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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