You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
