All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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