A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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