Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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