Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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