I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize