Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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