Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
