My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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