Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
