I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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