I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
