is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
