he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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