My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
