why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
being pregnant is like rehab
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have post one night stand depression
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