And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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